ben vandgrift · on living the dream

old leaf

i don't feel healthy anymore. not even in an obstinate, in-denial kind-of way. i'm out of shape, and live my life poorly. continuing in this direction will lead to diabetes and heart disease as sure as the sun sets in the west. should the girl and i have any children, i want to live to see them graduate high school.

sunday night, after an unnecessary nap, i got up and cleaned the house. wondering why i couldn't just buckle down and do the same thing for my actual life, i adopted the mantra i'll be using until my health, habits, and body are where they need to be: i want to live.

i don't feel like i've had to be any kind of a strong person for quite a while. i've been coasting along. trying to turn the ship hard to larboard while rigging the sails entirely solo is going to require a good bit of fortitude and will, and i'm just not sure if it's there anymore. i'm not trying to turn over a new leaf—i'm trying to turn this leaf back over into the old leaf.

thanks for listening, and wish me luck.

written: Feb 10 2015