ben vandgrift · on living the dream

2k5 year in review

i'm a teepee, i'm a wigwam.

i don't have last year's 'in review' because i'm between servers. i think it was a 'more of the same' type of thing anyhow. the play by play on how i did will have to be foregone this year, breaking a many year tradition that no one cares about but me.

last year has been, more than anything else, too short. i haven't had enough time for myself, my friends, my projects, or my family. i can't say this will change, as i try to keep a full life—however i feel more acutely this year than the last few that my time upon this world is too damn short to fully appreciate what i have, or to do all the things i want to do. it is the reaching that's important, though.

my best friend has drifted closer, something so cool i can't describe it. the rest of my short list has remained close, despite distances which boggle the pocketbook. i'm in a spot now where i can go see folks more frequently, something i like. i still haven't been out to see jnash, but i think i've covered everyone else. sorry about that.

i've made a few new friends, told a few good stories, and done some good work. it is my sincere hope that all of these things will continue into the new year, and that the friends i have, old and new, will remain close.

i've seen more people show their true colors; i've said that no one can lie about who they are forever. it keeps being true, and for that, i'm grateful. live and learn? maybe. the longer i'm alive, the more convinced i am that you can take the trash out of the trailer, but …

you can deceive me for exactly as long as i choose to deceive myself.

i've seen what a couple of lousy programmers can do to a development team. one sour apple becomes two, and so on, and so on. the only thing to do in this case is move on.

i've moved on professionally, personally, and materially. i'm not concerned about the materially, except when it involves this house, which continues to improve. the floor is in upstairs. this year's goals are the stairs, the basement, and the hot tub.

i ran two 5k races. not as many as i wanted to run, but two more than i ever dreamed i would. i will run at least three next year. i understand that i will never be able to 'compete' at the times, but i also understand that none of those who can beat me will ever be able to top my squat weight.

so it all balances out.

there's more, but i'm tired, so i'll get to the resolutions:

this will be the year of the asymptotic approach.

9) i will try to keep useless things out of my life. this is an ongoing one for the past two years, and i do a reasonable job at it, but it's a constant struggle.

10) i will continue to fight my genetic limitations. all of them. tooth and nail. from the eating to the sleeping to the heavy lifting and the running far, i will advance physically and mentally until my body and mind break from the strain.

11) i will move in a direction professionally that i find satisfying. whether this is through side projects or via my main job, i think that

12) i will be more grateful and appreciative.

i think that's plenty of numbered goals. the most important goal for me this year however is the unnumbered one. it will also remain unspoken, though my vision for it is the clearest—it is a matter of faith, and a faith that i have. a rocky road, but one which leads forward, to a destination worth reaching. here's hoping.

take care folks. hug someone close to you, and thank them for being a part of your life. now tell someone who deserves it to fuck off.

honto, arigato

written: Jan 3 2006