ben vandgrift · on living the dream

letter to merlin

Dearest Merlin,

Thank you for staying with us as long as you did. I am so happy to have known you, and you brought such joy and happiness to my life. I owe you so much, and I could never repay you for the things you have given me. You were such a beautiful bunny, and the best friend I could ask for—you asked nothing, and gave so much.

I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I should've known more about you and been able to know that something was wrong. I shouldn't have been away when you left me. I didn't get to see you go or say goodbye. And while I asked your forgiveness when I got home, holding you in my arms, it was too late, and you'd already departed.

I can't imagine you holding a grudge in those green plains where you now run—but, please forgive me. I miss you terribly. Your little dances and sprints ghost in the corner of my eyes, and when I turn to look, there's no little white bunny to greet me, full of licks and love. I never meant to hurt you, and hope that you can understand.

I've studied and learned, and cried too many tears over what I should've known, but there's still an empty, Merlin-shaped hole in my heart. Too many questions about why you left. Maybe you left to show me how to take better care of the other bunny in my life. Maybe you wanted me to appreciate what I have. I don't know, but I will always cherish our time together, and keep those memories close to my broken heart.

Thank you, Merlin, for your love and for your light—and I'm sorry you had to leave us. I look forward to seeing you again upon the other Shore.

Ever in your debt,


written: Aug 20 2000